Sabering Champagne Bottles

At this point we should probably warn you that playing with swords is inherently dangerous. Playing with highly compressed bottles of Champagne is inherently dangerous. Drinking is dangerous. In fact, it's well-known that life itself leads to death. Just don't rush it by taking chances.

After seeing a demonstration of sabering, I had to try it. Sabering doesn't involve removing the cork so much as it involves removing the whole top of the bottle. With the back edge of a heavy Chinese cleaver I tentatively tapped the neck of an empty Champagne bottle. Nothing happened. ThenI slid the blade along the neck and let it tap the lip. Once, twice. Though I was certain it wouldn't work and getting a little frustrated, I tapped it a third time. Hard. To my amazement, the top tumbled cleanly to the floor.

Now I was ready to try it with a full bottle. I removed the foil and left the bottle sitting in the refrigerator -- looking a bit like a condemned man with his neck bared for the guillotine -- to settle until the next day.

Wearing sunglasses and a heavy coat (you can never be too careful), I stepped out on the terrace. Again it was on the third swing. But this time the cork, still tightly wedged into the severed lip of the bottle, sailed across the lawn. I wouldn't recommend sabering to anyone, any more than I'd suggest trying to flamenco with half a dozen ferrets in your boxer shorts.

However, as it was explained to me: remove the foil and the muselet (wire basket), find the seam in the glass, place the saber edge against the seam just below the shoulder of the well-chilled, unshaken bottle (let it sit motionless in the fridge for at least 24 hours), hold the bottle at a 40 degree angle away from you, make sure there's nothing breakable in front of you for about 20 feet, then slide the sword along the bottle to the cork in a swift motion.

P.S. Read this cautionary tale before you try it:

Not too long ago, at the Five Sails restaurant in Vancouver, BC, a guest was trying his hand at sabering. He deftly sliced the top off of the bottle. The cork and bottle neck sailed across the room, and shattered a $12,000.00 bottle of Cognac.

-- Jared M. Brown

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Sunday, May 29, 2005

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